Letting go
by Shaquinadeith
Summary: Set after 'End of days' what if the first hadnt visited Buffy? What if they had to come up with another idea to stop the first? Buffy being alive has unset the balalnce, well there is a way to fix that.. please read and review. Spuffy Chap 6 up!
1. Chapter 1

Buffy slept, she didn't think she would, but she felt so safe in Spiked arms, like she would never feel safe anywhere else. He was the only one she could trust. Spike's arm lay heavy around her waist and buffy's hand was clasped in his. Her back against his chest she wondered what it was like, not having to breathe. The stillness wasn't creepy though just… peaceful. She woke suddenly as she heard the front door open, "Spike" she whispered quietly.

"Hmmm" he spoke back still only half asleep. Buffy decided to ignore it, she had a house full of potential slayers… in fact it was probably just Giles coming back from wherever. With that she turned over and buried her face into Spikes chest and let herself fall to sleep.

Spike smiled watching her, she was perfect. He adjusted his arms around her again and allowed himself to drift of to sleep.

"Buffy, love?" The annoying voice entered her thoughts waking her from the best sleep she had had since the First had shown itself. She shook her head slightly and buried herself into spike further. She heard a cough in the background and suddenly realized that she wasn't the only person in the room. Buffy paused and sat up slowly her cheeks bright red. Standing in front of the cot was Willow looking shocked.

"We umm… couldn't find you" Willow stammered. I need to talk to you Buffy. The shock was leaving her face now and it looked as if she was about to burst into tears. "Sure Will, I'll just.." She looked at Spike who nodded. She followed Willow up the stairs watching how she shook slightly.

Willow sat down on the couch and motioned for her friend to do the same. "Buffy there is something I need to tell you and its not going to be easy.. so could I just say it.. maybe yeah…" Willow spoke not quickly but almost hesitantly. Buffy simply nodded thinking that maybe she was apologizing for the other day… but why would she be so upset?

"Buffy I've done something terrible and even after what you told me… I'm still only now just realizing what a big mistake… I've made…"

Buffy stated to say something but Willow cut her of. "Please just let me say it" Buffy nodded and she took a big shaky breathe. "W..what me, Tara, Xander and Anya did.. on Th..that day was wrong. Bringing you back."

"Will no I…."

Willow cut her off again "Buffy you don't understand…. All of this" She waved her hands around tiredly "Is because of us… because of what we did." Willow looked away and tried to gather herself.

"Buffy, what Willow is trying to say is that bringing you back caused an imbalance which allowed the First to make its move… and…" Buffy turned towards Giles who had appeared in the doorway.

"I…I don't understand" Buffy stammered confused "I thought… that.. all of that was over with… you mean its my fault?"

"No… its myn" Willow stated looking at the floor.

"I don't understand, how can me being alive allow the First to do this?" Buffy looked towards Giles feeling little sympathy for Willow.

"You.. Well.. You being alive has altered many things. You aren't meant to be here Buffy. And because you aren't it places more balance on the side of good which isn't meant to be there. Thus creating the unbalance and the opportunity for the First to strike. As the unbalance has weakened the whole structure of good and evil." Giles voice sounded croaky and uncertain.

Buffy saw the stricken faces of her friends and guessed "Are… are you saying we can stop this?"

"Yes" replied Giles pulling all his watcher training into use to stay calm, he needed to be strong for Buffy.

"Are you saying I have to… have to die?" Buffy frowned tears were coming down her face, she didn't care about being strong anymore.

"In a way yes.." when she didn't reply Giles continued "Because you have been here for quite some time the balance has been irreversibly damaged if you were to… to die now it would only stop it from getting worse not repair it. Buffy… Buffy you" Giles voice cracked and he paused trying to gather himself.

"You have to be turned… into a Vampire" Willow spoke quietly

"You wouldn't lose your soul, slayers don't… it… not that that makes it any better…" Giles spoke again watching as Buffy started to shake. Willow went to embrace her but she stood up abruptly stopping her. "There is no other way… I've been checking everywhere to every available source. I swear I know this to be the only way." Giles spoke, he couldn't believe he was asking Buffy to do this.

Buffy nodded shakily surprising herself at how calm she was. "When?"

"A week from now, on the Dark moon" Giles said noting that Willow had left. "I thought maybe..Spike…"

Buffy nodded again understanding than put her hands to her face as she emitted a silent sob. She fell to her knees quietly. Giles knelt in front of her and hugged her tears in his eyes as well. "Is..is this really.. hap..ening? Buffy managed to get out before composing herself slightly. Giles just nodded and stared at the ground. "I have to go and talk to Spike" Buffy said as she walked of her voice coming in ragged breathes.

As Buffy descended the stairs into the basement she calmed herself. She felt oddly calm. She knew it was right. Like on top of the tower, and before she killed Angel… this was what had to happen, now all she had to do was talk to spike.


	2. Always

Buffy came down the stairs slowly he face showing a look of concern. It was really happening… it really was and she couldn't stop it so she should just give in to the feeling she'd been feeling for so long. Allow herself to be in the darkness with spike? Did she even want that? Buffy glanced up at and met Spikes concerned eyes and new she did. New she always did. Forever. She sat down next to spike and leaned against him needing support. "hold me" she whispered. Always he replied and lay down with her in his arms. Whatever she was thinking about could wait until morning.

Buffy dreamt, she was at the bronze. Spike was behind her moving his hands over her "stop" she whispered.

"Make me" Spike replied making Buffy shiver in anticipation. "You belong in the dark, with me" she heard him say over the music. She nodded and gave into the feeling of him surrounding her, inside of her. "Always" she whispered. Slowly she woke and realized that she was with Spike again. Than remembered what happened last night. "Interesting dream love" Spike asked eyebrows raised, he was expecting her to blush and avoid the question. So he was shocked when she turned around to face him "mm hmm very interesting… nice" She mumbled as she nuzzled into his chest. "mmmm I don't want to wake up, to much to think about" she groaned than looked up into Spike's face. His piercing blue eyes penetrated right through her… it would have helped if his piercing blue eyes weren't full of shock. She sat up abruptly brushing against spike as she sat up. "Spike I'm going to ask you to do something… you have to promise me that whatever I ask… no matter how terrible. You have to say you'll do it." Buffy said trying not to think to hard on what she was talking about. "Sorry pet I don't play by those rules" spike said sitting up and getting the feeling he was about to find out what happened last night. "Will you though.. for me?" looking him in the eyes with a pleading look. "You'll save the world"

"I could be a champion" Spike slurred sarcastically. Picking up his hand Buffy laid it on her chest and placed her hand on his cheek. "You already are"

Spike smiled warmly at her wishing that they could be like this always. He new it was never going to happen, he wasn't the man for her she deserved better. But as long as she wanted him he would stick around and love her for as long as she would allow. "Alright" he said in a serious tone frowning slightly "whatever you need"

"Spike I…" she couldn't help it tears started coming down her cheeks… this wasn't like her she was strong. And she would be, as soon as Spike was by her side and helping her through this. She just needed to tell him what he needed to do… "Shhh love come ere" Spike spoke softly gathering her into his arms. This wasn't like she was back at the deserted house, she hadn't given up, she was just sad. But he could feel excitement in her as well, he could feel her heart pulsing faster than usual. "Giles and Willow.. they found a way to stop the first… we can do it but not for a week. So it's all good and stuff." Buffy murmured dug into Spikes chest. "well that's hardly anything to cry about now is it?" Spike spoke softly encouragingly wiping the tears from her face. "It'll all be over then wont it?"

"Yes it really will" Buffy said sounding more confident and gaining her usual composure. She suddenly realized how close their faces were. His penetrating blue eyes boring into her making her breath hitch. Slowly tentatively he reached out and stoked down her cheek softly, slowly. Buffy leant into it and her heart leapt as he drew her lips closer to his own. He paused not three centimeters from her lips. "Buffy are you…" Spike asked painfully aware of all the places their bodies touched making him burn for her. "I'm more than sure, I'm sick of doing what's right spike… I need you, I wa…" Buffy was cut of and spike kissed her passionately. Buffy moaned into his mouth and deepened the kiss completely surrendering her self to him. She felt him run his tongue along her lips and she opened her mouth further engaging in a dance they new well, only this time it was different they were different. Spike lifted her onto his lap without breaking contact and ran his callused hands under her shirt making her shiver and moan into his mouth. He slowed down and kissed her more gently moving his mouth slowly over hers pausing and allowing her to catch her breath. "God Buffy" he moaned hoarsely "I've missed this love"

"You're not the only one" Buffy replied stroking his cheek having a sudden annoying thought she stopped drawing away from his slightly "we should stop the potentials will be down soon… training" Buffy said her breath coming quickly and she absent mindedly tugged at his shirt. "Mmmm, we should definitely stop" spike ground out as he felt buffy's hands move over his chest working their way down lower. "right here.. we go with the stopping and the leaving and… ugh" Buffy thrust her chest into Spike's hand as he moved a thumb over her lacy bra touching her in all the wrong places. In an instant her shirt and his was of and his lips smashed into hers. Buffy's hands flew to his belt and Spike ran his hands down her back working her way down to her jeans. "Want you" Buffy mewled, Spike smirked and kissed fiercely down her neck and listened to her moan as he traced a line up her neck with his tongue and nibbled on her ear slightly.. "Sp…ike" she moaned and clung him closer to her.

"a hem" a voice sounded very near

Spike and Buffy sprung apart and looked towards the stairs where about 5 potentials were coming down to train. Most had their mouths open and were watching in horror or shock. Kennedy was at the front of the group tapping her foot impatiently. "Guys we were kinder hopping to train.."

"Oh yeah right" Spike voiced first trying to clear his head "go for it we'll just umm…yeah" he looked over at Buffy where she was putting her shirt back on hurriedly a bright shade of red. She saw him watching her and smiled meekly. Spike relaxed at least she only regretted being caught by a bunch of teenagers and not actually regretted being with him.

"Thanks" Kennedy said rolling her eyes and turned to bark orders at the younger potentials.

"Come on Spike" Buffy said smiling a little sheepishly and heading for the stairs.

"Hey, Buff morning" Xander greeted her with his usual cheeriness only it sounded slightly faked and he didn't make any wise cracks at Spike. "You know don't you?" Buffy said glaring at Xander "sure lets tell the whole world I'm gonna die I mean why not! I should shout it from the rooftops in a high pitched vice!" Buffy shouted she was angry and upset and had been taken away from her blissfully none thinking moment with Spike.

"What.. Dying Buffy… What?" Spike said reaching for her arm.

Buffy ignored him and continued to grill Xander " how long have you known?"

"Willow told me a couple of days ago" Xander said shakily, looking on the verge of tears and staring into his bowl of cereal with apparent great interest.

"A couple of days! I only got told last night.. you think I would have been the first one to be told… I mean I am the one that has to become the living dead for the rest of.. Like forever!" Buffy felt tears coming and she didn't want anybody to see her like it again. She went to move but spike grabbed her arm. "Buffy what's going on?" he asked his voice as shaky as hers. Buffy pushed past him and fled up stairs to her room and literally throwing out any potentials that were still in there and locking the door.

"I think we have some explaining to do" Giles said coming in during the middle of the commotion.

"Your bloody right you do" Spike hissed.


	3. Just a taste

_Thanks to _spbangel _for my review. Terribly nice of you. Please could you all review even if it anonymous it makes me want to keep writing. _

_By the way I don't own any of the characters and all that ;)_

_Enjoy_

"Bollocks! This is bloody ridiculous! There has to be another way! I wont do it, you cant make me." Spike was looking at Giles and Willow like they were the First.

"Then we will simply get Angel to" Giles said calmly trying not to infuriate the vampire further but failing miserably.

"Like bloody hell you will!" Spike practically snarled at the watcher. "You did it Red" Spike said turning in Willows direction. You fix it. Buffy has had enough pain and death in her life as it is. She doesn't need her life ended in.. in that way. She deserves better! A lot better. I mean have you all gone bleeding mad!"

"She will keep her soul Spike, and I swear to you there is no other way" Giles spoke cleaning his glasses franticly. As willow backed into a corner and stared at the floor.

"There is and ill find it" Spike said defiantly and swiftly grabbed one of the blanket from one of the potentials bed in the lounge and left slamming the door behind him.

Well that went well. Xander muttered staring at his cereal. He couldn't bring himself to eat it.

Buffy lay on her bed curled up and tried to block the arguing happening down stairs. She sobbed quietly it all seemed real now, to real. "Oh, god Dawn.." Buffy whispered to herself. After a minute to compose her self she rose from the bed and headed towards Dawns room. She noticed some potentials camped outside and gave them a questioning glance.

"She wont let us in… I think she might be mad.. or something" one of the girls stated. Buffy just nodded and knocked softly on the door. "Go away, please Giles I'm fine I just want to be left alone for a while." Dawns voice emitted from her room. "It's me Dawnie, can I come in?" Buffy spoke close to the door.

"Buffy?" she heard a scrambling then herd the door unlock. Buffy entered to see a red blotchy faced Dawn. At the site of Buffy she burst into tears again. "Come here" Buffy whispered and started to cry as well while giving her a fierce hug. They sat on the bed for a while holding each other and crying softly. Before Buffy had an idea. "Dawnie come on were going out" Buffy grabbed her sisters hand and headed for the backyard.

Buffy smiled sadly as the sun hit her face, then frowned as she saw all the potentials training. "Get" she said simply and glared at them. Mumbling they left Buffy and Dawn alone.

"Buffy what are we doing?" Dawn asked her voice shaking.

"We miss Summers are going to sun bake" Buffy said determinedly and laid herself down on the dewy grass. And motioned for Dawn to do the same. As Dawn laid down she clasped her hand in her own. "I Promise you dawn I will always be there for you. You know that right? Just because I wont be… ill still be here" Buffy said feeling the tears coming again.

"I know Buffy" Dawn said sadly "Its just… it'll be different and… ill get older than you… and. Im sorry I'm probably not helping am I?"

"Com ere Dawny" Buffy said and wrapped her arms around her sister while laying on the ground. "I wish there was another way.. you know that don't you?" Dawn nodded and closed her eyes committing this talk and this day to memory.

Spike arrived back at the Summers home 6 hours latter and it was already dark. He walked through the front door and headed strait to the backyard. He hadn't found any other solutions. All of his contacts had said the same thing. Seeing Buffy in the backyard with her sister made him calm down slightly. "How long have you guys been out here?" Spike asked smiling slightly.

"All day" replied Buffy stretching out her hand reaching for Spike "come look at the stars with us" Spike obliged and laid down next to Buffy. Spike wasn't all that surprised when both the Summers girls laid their heads on his chest. "How are my two favorite birds today?" He asked trying to stay in a somewhat happy mood. "relaxed" they both reapplied in unison. "I heard you went and.." Buffy started to ask but was cut of by Spike. "Yeah I did" Spike reapplied shortly

"And did you?" Buffy asked a spring of hope welling in her gut. But Spike's body had gone suddenly tight and she new the answer before she heard it.

"I'm sorry Buffy" Spike sighed.

Buffy's stomach fell, that meant there was only one thing to do except it. She grasped on to Spikes hand to let him know it was ok. After about an hour Dawn got up and kissed Buffy and Spike on the cheek. "I'll leave you guys to talk for a while." Dawn said and headed towards the house. Buffy smiled and spike said goodnight as she walked away. Buffy re adjusted the space between them so she took up the room where down had been as well. "Will you" Buffy asked.

"Yes" Spike said simply knowing what she was talking about. They laid in silence for a time before Buffy sat up and pulled Spike with her. "Will you bite me spike?" Buffy asked shakily

"What? Now?" Spike asked taken aback

"I..I don't want you to turn me… just a taste." Buffy whispered barely audible. But she new Spike would hear.

Spike pulled Buffy into an embrace "your scared aren't you love?"

"Yes Buffy admitted and faced him. Please I need you to" Buffy spoke still whispering and avoiding his eyes. The fact that Buffy would even admit she was scared meant so much to Spike let alone the fact she was going to allow his do this. Spike placed his fingers underneath her chin and brought her up to eye level. "I love you" he whispered making Buffy shiver before gently bringing his lips to hers. Buffy moaned and allowed herself to be swept away by the feeling of Spike lips. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip asking for entrance. He gave it and the kiss deepened as their tongues danced around each other. The kiss was growing more passionate by the second and Buffy was drowning. She went to take of his shirt but Spike stopped her hesitantly. "Not now Pet" He whispered, kissing her hard once again making her moan into him. he moved away from her mouth and kissed along her jaw line and down her neck. Making her shiver and gasp with the pleasure and the anticipation. Spike listened to her heart beet accelerate and he kissed one spot on her neck softly then paused his lips hovering over her neck. He wanted to… his demon did. But he didn't.

"Be strong for me baby" Buffy whispered in his ear.

"I cant, he whispered I'm sorry" he went to pull away but Buffy pulled his back and kissed him gently moving her lips over his own. Suddenly Spike realizes what she was up to and tried to pull away again. "No Buffy." He said simply.

"Yes" Buffy said stubbornly and dragged his back forcing his mouth open with her own. She slipped her tongue between his teeth.

Spike felt the blood land on his tongue and moaned into her mouth. She had bitten her tongue and he was tasting Slayer blood for the first time in over a century. He grasped her shoulders bruisingly, and hauled her of her feet and pushed her against the tree in the backyard. He pushed his body into hers roughly. He vamped out and cut her lip on his incisors. Now they were both gasping as more blood emptied itself on to Spikes tongue.

He pulled away from her his golden eyes bring into hers. Their foreheads pressed together. They both shook visibly. "Buffy" Spike growled trying to stop himself from something he now new had to happen.

"Its ok" Buffy said soothingly bringing his head down to her neck. She moved her arms over his shoulders slipping of his leather duster, letting it fall to the ground. "Better she sighed", than gasped as she felt his teeth on her neck and his hand on her cheek. She lent into his hand further exposing her neck to him. She tensed up waiting for him to bite.

"Relax love" Spike said soothingly brushing her cheek with his hands. Buffy moaned quietly and let his voice calm her down. She gasped as he slid her fangs into her neck. The pain was sharp, she wanted it and she was going to let herself go. With that thought ringing in her mind she pulled on Spike's shirt trying to draw him closer. Spike placed his hands on hers stilling them, and calming her slightly.

Spike could feel her trembling beneath him. Her blood was slowly ever so slowly running down his throat and he could resist anymore. He pulled on her blood slowly and moaned as her life-force slipped into his throat. He could feel her giving herself completely to him. It was ecstasy and he didn't know if he was going to be able to pull away. He growled against her throat possessively as Buffy let out a throaty moan.

"They're probably having sex" Anya said matter of factly staring out of the window into the dark. She could see two dark figures against the tree but couldn't make out much more than that.

"Anya!" Xander practically squeaked "I'm sure they are just talking" Xander said glancing in dawns direction.

"Well maybe…" Anya continued looking out the window"… if you talk while humping each other against a tree"

"What" Xander said coming up to the window.

"See" Anya pointed. But before he could get a clear view the blinds shut abruptly.

"I really fail to see how its any of our business" Giles said cleaning his glasses.

"Right" Xander and Anya said and sat down again.

"Do you think they'll be coming in soon?" Down asked growing worried

"We just have to be patient give them time" Giles said softly

"Yes give them time to have orgasms" Anya spoke to the ground in a grumbling voice.

"They aren't Arn!" Xander said again "I'm sure they are just talking!"

"Uhhn" Buffy gasped as Spike drew more blood from her. The work was falling away all she could sense was spike and the way he was making her feel. Her hips ground against his almost as a second thought and her hands tried to pull him impossibly closer. "Spike" she whispered into his neck as he slowed down and slowly pulled the blood from her again. She could feel him begin to retract his teeth "No… she whispered to him pulling his head back down. "Don't stop yet." Spike didn't hesitate and bit down again biting harder this time and sucking on her blood hungrily. "Mmmm" Buffy sighed and relaxed against him as the feeling overtook her the pleasure was swamping her body and her arms grew slack around him. She couldn't move.

Spike smiled to himself as he made himself draw his fangs out. He licked his marks slowly smirking as she gasped. He kissed her neck and he felt his face morph. He kissed he softly on the lips and held her until she recovered.

Buffy leant against spike totally relaxed in his arms. "That was different" she mused sounding slightly muffled. She listened as spike chuckled softly. "What are we going to tell the scoobs?" Spike asked staring at her blood stained top and marks in her neck.

"Nothing" Buffy replied drunkenly "I don't care what they think… she sighed and snuggled against Spike further. "They be silly peoples anyho, and Dawn will understand… I hope"

Spike smiled at the way she was acting, "She will love" Spike said releasing his hold on her slowly trying to make her stand by herself. "You right to walk" Spike asked sounding concerned.

"Right as rain" Buffy said drowsily running her hands over Spikes chest "Lets go"

Spike began to wipe the blood from her neck with a corner of his shirt. "No leave it" Buffy whispered arching her neck as he whipped it. "I wanna go for the big shock"

Spike grinned widely, she wanted to show of his bite marks. "You're perfect, you know that don't you?" Spike whispered grasping her hand and pulling her towards the back door.

Buffy smiled as she followed Spike inside the house. She wasn't scared anymore, Spike would look after her and she would beat anybody down who argued with her.

Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow, Kennedy, Dawn froze as they heard the front door open. They heard somebody giggling and then stop mid giggle. They heard a crash and a high pitched "whoops" than more giggling appeared from no where. "That sounds like…." Dawn started but stopped as Anya cut her of

"Buffy" Anya said staring with great interest into the kitchen. They heard a gasp and a small moan come from the kitchen "That doesn't sound like Buffy" Xander said standing up suddenly.

"Shhh love, come on" They heard from the kitchen and Xander paled and sat down quickly. "Sounds like fun" Anya said quietly

Spike brought Buffy inside than swung her around to face him. He went to her neck and moved his tongue along it in three slow stokes. Buffy moaned than giggled, she hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Spike smashed his lips into hers stifling the giggle and pushed her against the island in the kitchen. "Whoops" Buffy squeaked and giggled again. Spike grinned wickedly at her and sat her on top of the island. He kissed her hard and ran his hands under her top. "Oh" she whispered as he broke contact with her lips began to kiss her neck as run his hands over her bra. Buffy's nipples hardened in his hands and she grabbed at his duster pulling him closer. It was too much and she arched her head back and emitted a gasp and Spikes hands become harder and moaned loudly. "Shhh love" spike whispered against her skin sending shivers down her spine. He removed his hands and drew them down over her stomach pausing slightly at her jeans. He sighed softly and straightened her shirt. "Time to face them" He muttered indicating the other room. Buffy pouted and he laughed softly.


	4. Truth or Truth

Hey guys I'm going crazy wid the updating. My eyes hurt from writing so much. Lol anyway thanks for reading. I hope you are enjoying it.

Buffy and Spike entered the lounge, Buffy was smiling serenely. If Spike hadn't of known any better she would have thought she was stoned. He smiled to himself at the thought and joined Buffy on the couch next to Dawn. Everybody was staring at Buffy, the puncture wounds could be seen clearing on her neck and there was blood on her shirt and neck. "Hey guys" Buffy said sounding sarcastic "What are you all looking at…" Buffy paused as if thinking. "Oh this… she pointed to her neck. There was this really big Barbecue fork and…" Spike sniggered sitting next to Dawn, what had gotten into Buffy. "Are you ok Buff" Xander asked

"Well its not everyday you fall onto a big barbecue fork but I'm sure ill be fine." Buffy was enjoying herself immensely. She wasn't thinking about a week from now, she was just letting go and saying whatever she felt like cause hey? Why not? Everybody in the room went quiet "Who wants a drink said Spike standing up, Buffy giggled when everybody looked like their eyes would pop out of their heads. "Giles has got some of that expensive stuff down stairs" Buffy said happily grab that!" Giles didn't respond only continued to stare at Buffy like she had grown an extra head. When Spike left an awkward silence fell over the room and Buffy feeling suddenly full of energy jiggled her leg impatient for Spike to return. She felt a tug on her sleeve and looked at Dawn sitting beside her. "You ok?" She asked carefully.

"I'm fine Dawn" Buffy said suddenly serious and giving her sister a big hug. "Just getting used to things"

Dawn nodded and smiled at her sister. Just than Spike came into the room with three bottles of whiskey in his hands. "Look what I found Spike sing songed happily and plonked the bottles on the table. "And that's my Que. to go to bed" Dawn said and kissed her sister briefly before heading upstairs.

Spike took her place next to Buffy and handed her one of the bottles a bottles. "Come open guys lets celebrate Buffy smiled as she eyed off the bottle."

"What are we celebrating Buff?" Xander asked more than a little worried.

"Maybe we shouldn't" piped in Willow.

"Maybe we should!" Buffy responded. "She raised the bottle and shouted "To not thinking of the future and to letting go… and… oh yeah. To drinking. But most importantly…" Buffy looked at everybody sitting around her. TO LETTING GO!" and with that Buffy raised the bottle to her lips and trying not to think about how bad it tasted she skulled half the bottle.

Everyone in the room shared wide eyed glances as they watched their level headed slayer turn into well that. Even Spike look surprised. Buffy banged the bottle on the table and smiled hugely. "Drinking games!" She announce throwing the bottle to Willow. "anybody know any?"

"doesn't seem that we need any games" Spike said watching in aww as the quiet willow skulled the remainder of the bottle.

"They've all gone mad" Anya announced. "I like it, lets play truth!"

"I think you mean truth or dare hun" Xander said

"No I men truth. Truth and dare can get messy." Anya reasoned. "Besides this is different you start with a simple question and continue making the question sort of more detailed until everybody says no… ok umm ill start then" Anya said looking at the confused faces in the room. "Who here has dated a somebody? She looked as everybody stayed still. Ok.. Well if you have everybody take a swig." She watched pleased as everybody took a swig from one of the bottles. "Ok now all of our questions have to be based around what I just asked… start simple please. Giles your up!" Anya said brimming

"No I'm going home I'm afraid I'm to tired to stay." And with that he quickly left giving Buffy a sad glance. Once the door was shut Buffy shouted "ill ask a question!" when she got the nod from Anya Buffy asked "Who has dated a Demon" she watched the room in mock surprise as everybody took a swig. She reached for the bottle Spike was holding and took a swig herself. She than passed the bottle back to Spike and motioned for him to ask a question.

"Ok" said Spike. "Who here has had sex with a Demon…. Current demon he said pointing at Xander. No offence meant he said looking towards Anya who was already taking a swig, "None taken" Willow took a swig as well. Buffy snatched the bottle off spike after he had finished and took another large swig. "Ohh this is getting interesting" she said excitedly

"Not for me" stated Kennedy "I'm starting to feel boring".

"It your s..tour… turn Will Buffy said grinning from ear to ear. Willow thought for a moment than said "Who has had sex in a public place?" This time everybody except Xander took a swig. "O.K my turn now" said Kennedy grinning evilly "Who here has had sex with a member of the same sex?" Buffy watched as Willow and Kennedy took a swig. Than a motion out of the corner of her eyes caught her attention. "SPIKE!" Buffy exclaimed "really?" Suddenly everybody in the room was staring at Spike.

"When you've been around as long as me love, its bound to happen… it only happened once…a long long time ago"

"Huh?" squeaked Xander,

"with who?" she asked her curiosity growing

"You don't want to know pet" Spike said grinning at everybody expressions.

"You mean I know him?" Buffy asked getting excited.

"Yeah you know him really well… cept back in the day he wasn't so much with the soul"

"Oh my god!" Buffy gasped "that's wrong!"

"What" Spike replied "You screwed him" Spike was grinning he always wondered how she would react the the revelation that him and Angel had slept together.

" Suddenly Buffy started laughing: well there you go" she grinned. "Next question"

" I pass" said Xander turning a little green

"Me again" Anya piped up "Who has had sex in the bronze? And I don't mean in a closet or in the bathroom I mean like out in the open?

Spike, Buffy and Anya all took a swig from a bottle. "mmm, that was fun" Buffy voiced her thougths thinking back to the day when Spike had come to her at the bronze. Spike smiled at her and whispered "Right under their noses pet"

"Dam right" Buffy grinned "can't believe you guys didn't know. Ha ha you suck!" Buffy giggled helplessly.

"You mean you two" Xander started.

"Yes" Anya answered for him.

"She's gone" Kennedy announced staring at Buffy.

"Maybe you should go and lay down Buffy?" Xander said a little worried.

"No" Buffy said suddenly serious looking at Xander with a thoughtful expression. "Or maybe I should… after I screw Spi…." A hand suddenly appeared over Buffy's mouth and she cried out in protest. Xander looked sick again. "Ok kiddies I think that's enough for tonight." Spike voiced

"Have to agree with you there" said Kennedy and willow giggling at Buffy.

Spike watched as the group marched up stairs to their bedrooms and Xander headed for the kitchen. Spike felt Buffy lick his hand and he hissed in pleasure and released her mouth. Buffy jumped up so she was straddling him. "Ask me a question, ask me anything. Ill tell you"

"You wont lie?" Spike asked somewhat amused.

"Never" Buffy whispered in his ear.

"Do you still miss Angel sometimes" he asked her raising his eyebrows

The bottle remained motionless beside her and she shook her head slightly. "Do you care about me?" Buffy looked him dead in the eyes and raised the bottle. She drank from it for a few seconds than looked at him waiting for another question. "Do you…" Spike said caressing her chin "Think about me all the time?" he watched in aw as Buffy raised the bottle to her lips and drank again. When she looked at him this time Spike decided to take a huge risk "Buffy… do you.." he gulped audibly "Do you love me pet?" he asked and waiting a painstaking minute as Buffy looked at him her eyes boring into him than… than a miracle happened she raised the bottle again and skulled about a third of it. Spike watched in awe when she placed the bottle down again he grabbed at her and pulled her lips down to his. She kissed him hard he tasted like alcohol and blood.. She loved it she never wanted him to let go. Spike growled and kissed her back hard enough to bruise her lips, Buffy moaned softly into his mouth then went slack against him. "Buffy?" Spike spoke carefully. But there was no response, she was out cold. Smiling softly he layed her down on the couch carefully and laid down beside her. "Love you pet" spike whispered into her hair. He had a feeling that tomorrow things weren't going to be as fun.


	5. Kaplooey

Buffy moaned and grabbed at her head as she woke to two of the potentials in a cat fight. "make it stop…please" Buffy grumbled into Spikes chest. "someone's got a hang over then?" Spike asked softly watching her try and hide from the noise. "My head feels kaplooey" Buffy winged "I bet your heads fine" She groaned out. "Well I wasn't the one that drained dam near two bottles of whiskey love… Do you remember much?" Spike asked his voice almost cracking with nerves.

"I remember all of it spike" Buffy said cringing as she sat up to meet his eyes. She laughed softly I think we scared everybody.

"No" Spike corrected "you scared everyone pet"

Buffy smiled "I guess I did" She lay back down and snuggled back into Spike. Reaching down she retrieved one of the many blankets laying on the ground and covered her and Spike with it. "Lets ignore the noise and the whole daylight thing that tends to happen, I feel that I need to sleep."

"Whatever you want" Spike smiled softly and pulled the blanket over their heads so the sunlight didn't bother them. Plus it blocked out some of the potentials noise.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered

"Yeah love?" Spike answered while stroking her hair

"I do you know"

"Do what.."

"Care about you and and stuff" Buffy answered not able to find the words.

"I know" Spike sighed and kissed her hair.

Anya was heading to the kitchen when she noticed a large oddly shaped grey blob on the couch. She walked up to it and looked at it for a while. The blob seemed to be moving… breathing. "huh" Anya said giving the blob a poke. The blob moaned and moved a little. Anya shrugged and walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast.

"Xander theres a breathing gray blob in the lounge."

"I think that's Buffy and Spike" Willow announced from the corner of the kitchen

"Are they…" Anya asked

"No, just bonding I …" Willow was cut of as Giles came bursting through the front door.

"Its all wrong! The calculations. If we don't stop it the First is going to act tonight… we need to prepare… where's Buffy and Spike?"

"Anya pointed to the lounge as everybody else didn't seem to be able to speak.

Giles paused than headed into the lounge "Buffy" he called his voice cracking. He saw the gray bundle on the lounge and ripped of the cover. Buffy was sprawled on top of Spike her hair a tangled mess, she snored softly and she frowned slightly as the blanket was removed.

"What's up Doc?" Spike frowned at Giles "She's out cold, best not to wake her." Spike said motioning to Buffy.

"I'm afraid we have to. Some things have changed. The first now plans to release its army tommorow night. We need to stop it… now"

Spike stared at Giles like he was death itself. "I'm sorry I really am, but we need to prepare now" Spike shook his head to clear it. "Go get Dawn from upstairs" Spike managed to say.. his throat felt tight. "I'll umm I'll um wake her up"

Giles nodded and headed up the stairs.

"Buffy?" Spike said he could feel tears threatening to overcome him. He shook them of. He need to be strong for Buffy. "Love?" he asked again and shook her slightly. "no.. no more burgers they smell" Spike smiled slightly and stroked her cheek. "Love the worlds about to end" That got more of a reaction out of Buffy and she groaned and stretched out her legs. "Again?" she mumbled into his shirt.

"fraid so Buffy… but your gonna save it again. You always do. You the hero Buffy." Spike said a single tear falling from his eye.

"yeah I'm the hero" Buffy muttered than froze suddenly very awake. "what? What do you mean?… Spike?"

"We… We've had to move everything ahead of schedule love… to now" Spike's voice cracked as he spoke.

"You mean…" Buffy asked fear seeping into her bones.

"yeah… I'm sorry Buffy"

"Buffy!" Dawn came running down the stairs tears coming down her face. "Please don't Buffy.. I.. I c.c.cant." She began to hyperventilate as Buffy jumped of Spike and ran to her sister.

"Shhh honey breathe" She said holding onto her tightly "I'll still be here I promise"

Giles came behind Dawn a frown upon his face, he seemed panicked "Buffy we need to do this now."

"Give them a bloody minute at least!" Spike snarled from the back of the room. He walked over to where Buffy was squeezing down as tight as she could. "I'll be downstairs Buffy"

Buffy could do nothing but nod and watched as he walked down the stairs where Xander, Anya, Kennedy and Willow were setting up. "I cant do this" Buffy sobbed in to her sisters hair

"so don't" Dawn replied although she new it was in vain.

"Dawnie, I love you I always will. Be brave for me?" Buffy said with a smile that was wet with tears. Dawn managed too nod and gave her one last hug. "I…L.love you B..buffy"

Buffy pulled away and kissed her sister on the forehead. Then for the second time she walked away from her distraught sister, to her death. As she walked away and approached the stairs she noticed the house was empty. She didn't know where the potentials had gone and she didn't care. All she had to concentrate on was walking down those stairs. Her head still hurt, she noticed distractedly. It didn't seem to matter anymore…

The stairs leered at her like a mouth calling for her death. The black pitt at the end beconing her on. Buffy folded her arms feeling cold. Than taking a deep breath. One of the last she would ever make, she decended onto the first step.

_**To be continued**_

_Am I evil or what? Tell me with these little things called reviews! They are great! _

_But seriously thanks for reading guys_


	6. Pale, red

Ok ok I know I am evill and I'm really sorry. I've just been really busy and havent been unable to update! Sorry… I mean what a bad place to leave it. Anyhow this chapter is going to be a bit darker and less fluffyish than the others.

_Thanks to everybody for the reviews. :D_

_I don't own any of the charecters yada yada!_

Buffy walked down the stairs and saw a large amount of candles as well as a large amount of people chanting. Spike was sitting in the corner looking like he was dead… deader than usual anyway. A sudden rage took Buffy, she didn't want to die like this in rituals and chanting. Magic. She hated it. It was what had caused all of this anyway. "Get out" Buffy said quietly facing Anya, Giles, Xander, Kennedy and Willow. "Buffy, there need to be a number of people to chant in order to make sure what you… you are doing affects the right… well…" Giles Spoke trying hard to stay business like.

Buffy glared at Giles "You want to make sure me dying will stop evil, I don't care! You can chant upstairs, I'm not going to let everybody watch me die… Cant you understand that GOD!"

"But Buffy, the cha…"

"I can do it alone if you guys go upstairs and chant near the door" Willow interrupted. "I can keep out of your way Buff. You.. you wont even know I'm here."

"Fine" Buffy said quietly staring at the ground than as her anger simmered down and everybody filled upstairs glancing in her direction, Buffy looked up at Willow. "Thanks will this means a lot"

Willow just nodded and sat down underneath the stairs to set up some candles.

"Spike" Buffy sighed as he came to stand behind her. "I don't want to go like this" She whispered quietly so that only she could hear.

"I know love" Spike croaked. Buffy suddenly spun and kicked him in chest sending him flying across the room. "What" Spike coughed as he picked himself up.

"I want to go down fighting Spike. Slayer to Vampire. It really isn't that hard. Lets just forget who we are, and fight. I know you can win, I always used weapons and fought you in an open area. Down hear you have the advantage. I could fight as long as I wanted and eventually you would beat me down." Spike gave her a pleading look, Buffy ignored it and walked over and kicked him in the stomach. "I want to die fighting Spike, so get up and kick" she kicked him again "My" she leant over and punched him across the face "Ass"

Spike stood up so quickly Buffy didn't have time to register it before he had a hold of her shoulders his face vamped. He leant down close to her ear and whispered. "I love you Buffy"

Buffy felt herself flying and hit the concrete wall. Winded she knelt of the floor for a moment and waited for Spike to approach. She erased all her feelings for him and slipped into slayer mode.

Spike watched as Buffy… the slayer stood up slowly ready to face him. It was dark in here she would have trouble seeing. The space was small he could trap her…

Buffy suddenly lunged forward and hit him across the face. Spike swung his fist up and caught her under the jaw and blocked her other punch. Buffy reeled back in pain than flung her head forward head butting him. Spike stepped backwards and saw a foot coming in his direction. He grabbed it and twisted it, Buffy fell to the ground and he was on top of her in an instant. "mph" Buffy emitted as she felt his hands around her neck and him trying to stop her from lashing out. She managed to knee him of her and roll away. They circled each other. Buffy was breathing heavily the fight making her tired. She had missed this. Just letting herself go in a fight. Especially with Spike. Buffy always knew that Spike could beat her, and know she knew she was in the last fight of her life.

Spike watched as the slayer shook back her hair from her face. Than as suddenly as it stopped they were fighting again.

Willow watched from under the stairs. Both of them were so fast it was hard to keep track of their movements. She saw Buffy reel back, spitting blood from her mouth. How long were they going to do this for? At first she had been worried about Buffy winning but now it seemed that Spike was wearing her down. She looked slightly dazed and spike was blocking most of her punches. God. She thought turning away sickened with herself. She was watching her friend die.

Buffy slammed her fist into Spike as hard as she could. Sending him backwards. She staggered slightly feeling dizzy. And that was all Spike needed to move in behind her. She went to grab him in shock and he grabbed her hand forcing it painfully behind her back and shoving her against the wall. "mph" the air went out of Buffy as she was shoved roughly against the wall. She had to think of something or this was it. She grinned slightly as she felt his face lowering to her neck, she wiggled her butt against his crotch. She new he would have to be turned on by now. He always was when they fought. So was she. In his moment of distraction she slipped down and kicked him away from her. But in a split second he was there again. He pushed her back against the wall. Her back hitting the cement painfully. She kicked him away again easily but this time he came forward and kicked her painfully hard in her stomach. Buffy went to bend over in two as the wind was knocked completely from her lungs. But Spike grabbed her and pinned her against the wall again. He looked into her eyes for a moment waiting for her to get a small amount of air back into her lungs before bending down to her neck. "That was cheating love" he whispered against her neck. He smiled as she struggled weakly against him, but at the same time shivered at his words.

Buffy tried to free her hands but it was no use. He had her stuck and she was too week to get out of it. Than she felt him bite into her and she let herself remember why she was hear. She rolled her eyes back into her head as he began to draw blood from her. Than a stab of fear hit her as she realized this was it. She was about to die.

As Spike tasted the fear in her blood he growled into her neck and bit harder into her neck forcing her harder against the wall.

Buffy gasped in pleasure and pain as he ripped into her throat further. She felt him let go of her hands. And she wrapped them around him brining him impossibly closer. She felt him withdraw his fangs and pick her up of the ground. "Spike?" she whispered weakly.

"S'ok love just have to move for the ritual that's all. Willow had gone through it with him before and he needed to be in the circle of candles. He sat cross-legged in the circle bringing Buffy down so she was straddling him on his lap. "I'm sorry Buffy" he whispered.

"Shhh…" she replied stocking his hair gently

Spike than let his daemon take over and bit into her neck again. Buffy quivered against him. It was more painful now but the feeling was still powerful. She relaxed against him and let him take her completely. She didn't know how much time had passed before she realized how light headed she was, she tried to ignore it but than the cold hit her. She felt so cold, she went to hold Spike closer but found she could barely lift her arms. Realization hit her and she sobbed quietly. Spike heard her and he held her closer. It was almost over. Spike listened carefully, as her breathing became even more shallow and her heart slowed even more. He slowly withdrew his fangs and brought his face away from her neck. He pulled a pocketknife out of his pocket and quickly cut himself along his shoulder. He threw the knife away and brought Buffy's mouth to the wound. She tried to struggle at first but she barely had the energy to lift her mouth away. "Sorry baby" Spike whispered and held her against his shoulder firmly. "its ok" he whispered and stroked her hair softly he could feel her whole body giving in. His own body shook as Buffy finally accepted his blood. He gasped and held her closer as she hungrily drank his blood. He gasped in pleasure and pain as she bit further into him with her blunt teeth causing more of his blood to spill. He waited and listened as she began to still against him. He pulled her away gently and grasped her hand.

Buffy had lost all thought, she could feel blood in her mouth, she didn't know if it were hers or not, She felt somebody grasp her hand and she held onto it as if her life depended on it. She tried to breathe in but her chest was feeling increasingly heavy. She felt a hand on the side of her face and she leant into it as her vision turned black and she felt herself fade away.

Spike slowly wiped the small trickle of blood of Buffy's mouth. He gently picked her up and carried her towards his bed. She wasn't going to take long to wake. He could feel it. He covered her with a sheet and turned to the terrified willow who had just finished chanting and was now staring at Spike. "Don't let anybody touch her. I mean it red." And with that he grabbed the blanket on the end of the cot and moved to go upstairs. He pushed past the scoobys roughly and went straight for the door. The slayer blood was making him feel high and he hated it. He had just killed the woman he loved, he felt more alone than he had in a long time. He needed to go and kill things… a lot of things.


End file.
